How to Manage Your Boss
An Opinion Piece from a Businesswoman
This article was brought about by helping two friends with issues with their boss, listening to my mentor discuss his issues with his, and a chance encounter with my neighbor who mentioned a few things that made me think "I know how I'd approach that". So, what are blogs for if not sharing advice to all and sundry?
There are only two situations in which I personally think a person ought to ditch their boss because the relationship is irreparable: 1) the boss is genuinely bigoted against something about their employee that the employee simply can do nothing about (gender or sexual orientation, for example) or 2) the boss uses their employee as a scapegoat to hide their own failures. If this is happening, then you cannot fix these situations. My personal opinion is that you should be looking for opportunities elsewhere before your ability to do so is damaged by poor performance ratings, a poisonous atmosphere ruining your chances of recommendations, and the like.
But if that's not the case, you like your job, you like the company, you don't dislike your boss and you really want to succeed - well then, this article is for you.
We all have relationships at work, and when at work, at least in the corporate world, we're all expected to live by a certain etiquette (we all gasp in horror when Jane shows up wearing a scarlet miniskirt...). Each person is expected to manage their own relationships, most especially their stakeholders, but no single stakeholder is as powerful or as important to a person's life as their boss.
To clear something up - managing your boss isn't about manipulation; it is a part of managing your own professional reputation as well as performance reviews. To have a truly effective article on the subject, I think it's important to look at this topic from the egocentric mindset - eg, focus on how you can develop the personal characteristics and network required to engender the desired reactions from both your boss and their peers (whose behaviors and beliefs will regulate those of your boss'). Whatever you do, do not attempt to directly manipulate your boss.
Can you see the difference?
I can feel a question coming on from readers that goes something like "Why should I change when it's my boss that's the problem?" The basic truth to life is thus: You cannot control other people, and the harder you try, the more stress and difficulty you create for both yourself and the other party.
Managers do not like high-maintenance employees, and in this relationship, your boss by their very nature has more authority and power than you in the organization. You won't fare well no matter how good or right you are if you divert more of your boss' attention than they're happy to give.
So, the fundamental truth is that you can only change yourself. It's also wasted energy to focus on how fair the situation is, right or wrong, and all those other things that aren't about managing the relationship. This is your boss. Your choices are fix your relationship with them or get a new one, and both choices require action from you. You cannot afford to be lazy in this.
Equally, you cannot attempt in any way, to use force. Remember, they are more powerful than you are, or they wouldn't be your boss... but you can still succeed.
The first step is always to analyze the situation and make sure you have a good idea of what you're dealing with instead of reacting emotionally to the way your boss makes you feel. Here's some techniques to help:
1. Figure out what your boss needs most, values most, and dislikes most. Generally, you can always assume that anything that will embarrass your boss will hurt your cause, but sometimes it's more esoteric than that. Once you know what they want and need, even if they're not telling you what it is, you can support them. Also, make sure you identify the the Gotchas (these are things that, your boss will react poorly to, or otherwise get into trouble for themselves, if you do).
An exercise: Take a piece of paper, write down Needs, Values, Dislikes, and Gotchas in columns. Even put your manager's name at the top. Then, fill the sheet in. Once you have, try to discern how you can support your manager's needs using a style that fits their values. Don't do things they dislike. Also, come up with action plans to avoid any Gotchas you notice. Those are like nails in your coffin (and when you're looking for Gotchas, keep the reports your manager or their manager receives in mind - Gotchas are usually in places where people find the information they use to make decisions).
Once you're done with this profile, either burn it or put it somewhere no one will ever see it. Having a dossier on your stakeholders is an excellent practice. Being caught with one is NOT an excellent practice (unless you call it a stakeholder matrix and your boss's entry doesn't include embarrassing habits or interests like curly fries). Keep them in a locked drawer at home or something.
2. Figure out who your boss has relationships with. An obvious person would be their boss, and probably a few of their peers that you note they have regular contact with. They may have a friends or people they are responsible to themselves (their stakeholders). Rest assured that if these people think well of you, your boss will generally follow suit (they'll even be subtly pressured to do so, and not by you - how great is that?). Ensure these manager peers know who you are and, wherever possible, engender their goodwill. It's not a bad idea to use the same profiling technique that you used on your boss above. If you come across similar values and goals, which you probably will, you can actually start to target your energies to these big-ticket items.
3. Engender goodwill with the following techniques:
- Do your job well. Seriously, do not begrudge it when your boss makes you angry and allow that to affect your productivity. Your productivity is your protection to anything that comes your way. It is what makes you valuable and is unique to you.
If you're feeling rebellious, take some time out to do something you like to shake off the emotion rather than displaying it. The basic step one to managing your boss is giving them nothing poor to focus on, and nothing that your boss' manager is likely to note either. No matter what, do not let off steam about it to a coworker. Find someone outside of your bosses environment, someone who will not need to report it back or be required do something about it. Keep it in mind that if you do talk to someone at work, it is not letting off steam, it's actually required that something happen there to correct the situation, be it morally or legally.
So, long story short, head down, bum up, and take care of your business.
- Never say anything bad about anyone or anything, even your manager. If you can, try not to think badly either as thoughts translate into subconscious connotations to our words. If you do, people will assume you're speaking badly about other people too, maybe even them. Consciously or unconsciously, even if they're agreeing with you at the water cooler, they'll start trusting you to be a gossip. It damages your credibility... and the truth is, stuff always, always gets back, and usually not the way you intended it.
- Listen to your boss and try to understand why they say what they're saying instead of just what they say. For example, if your boss tells you that your hair is too long, there's a good chance you can relate that back to their list of values rather than simply assuming "She doesn't like me!" In the corporate world, if you're doing all the right things, there's a huge chance that the feedback you're receiving is due to standards, priorities, and pressures being placed on your boss from other sources (for example, maybe someone mentioned the dress code to her the day before). If you can figure out where those are coming from, you can head them off at the pass and react to them before they feedback through your boss to you or your performance ratings.
- If your boss is too tough a nut to crack, look for the others in his or her circle whom you can bring a smile to their face, then do it. Sometimes the best person to manage your boss isn't you, but rather his or her circle of peers. Be careful about how messages travel though, so don't try to force what you want to get through - rather engender positive relationships with these people (in a manner respectful to your boss).
- Remember to use good manners and courtesy at all times. It can calm a tense situation, and it will ensure that no one will feel that you are the source of any problems observed. Don't forget to say thank you and show appreciation when it is deserved, and take the time to notice when it's deserved. Also, show respect for your manager, even in your angriest moments. It's hard, but it can pay of in amazing ways. Sometimes the fundamental problem is simply that your manager doesn't feel respected, and as silly of a reason as that is, it's also ridiculously easy to fix - just bury a bit of pride.
Fundamentally, a boss likes best is an employee that is one that is low maintenance and provides whatever they need swiftly and without issue. In fact, I kind of like to think of my manager as one of my many clients and try to anticipate the needs they'll have. Some of them are blatant - if I know what sort of reports my manager sees about me, then I can control my activities to ensure that those reports imply I'm a star employee.
Also, when it comes to performance ratings, these days they're rarely done in isolation - getting to your manager's peers is, quite simply, the best way to ensure that you won't be marginalized when the question comes up about your value versus your coworker's on the bell curve.
Finally, I have had difficult bosses in the past. As I've climbed up the corporate ladder, I find that the patience of managers is diminished in direct proportion to the amount of time they have and their own stress levels. You cannot fix these things for them, but you can make them think that having you in their team makes them look better and their lives easier than without, and that's worth more than anything else when it comes to getting along with a manager.
